It’s well established that nurturing friendships can help alleviate anxiety, boost happiness, and add years to our lives. However, as we age, keeping these connections can become increasingly difficult.
In her writing, author Mel Robbins tries to explain the challenges of making friends as an adult.
When it comes to friendship, everything changes dramatically as you enter your twenties,” said Robbins, who wrote “The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About.
According to Robbins, for a friendship to be successful, there are three key elements that need to be in sync.
1. Proximity
“When you were a child, you were constantly surrounded by kids your own age,” Robbins said.
Growing up, environments like school, sports teams, or church helped us be consistently surrounded by peers our own age.
As a result, they may struggle to keep many of the friendships they formed during their youth.
In order to establish a genuine friendship, it’s essential that spending time with that person regularly becomes a straightforward and uncomplicated endeavor.
2. Timing
As you age, you’ll encounter individuals at various stages of life’s journey.
People’s lives are unfolding at different stages,” Robbins said. “Some friends are getting married, some are heading to graduate school, and some are starting their careers.
Connecting with others who are going through similar challenges and achieving similar achievements can help build meaningful relationships.
3. Energy
The amount of common ground you share with another person can shift over time, and if your core values don’t match, it can be tough to keep a strong connection between you.
You can experience a great connection with someone, but if you decide to quit drinking or focus too much on fitness, that connection is often strained,” Robbins said. “Similarly, if you have significantly different views on politics, that connection can also be impacted.
When an adult friendship begins to fade, it’s often due to a breakdown in one or more of these three essential elements. As Robbins noted, “you can’t force those things,” making it difficult to accept the situation.
To maintain friendships as you get older, concentrate on people who are close to you, understand their current life experiences, and identify the common ground you share. By being more deliberate about whom you connect with, you’ll be more likely to meet individuals with similar compatibilities.
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