We’ve all encountered individuals who struggle with emotional maturity: They become easily defensive when faced with constructive criticism, frequently shift the focus away from their own actions, and attempt to manipulate others into feeling sympathetic towards them.
Whether it’s with friends, family, or colleagues, effectively communicating with those around you can be a significant challenge.
We’re aware that if you’re not mindful, you may also unintentionally come across as emotionally immature to others. This is often because we tend to use certain phrases that are characteristic of emotional immaturity without even realizing it.
Here is a list of the most frequent ones to steer clear of:
1. “I’m not responsible for this.”
Individuals with emotional immaturity frequently refuse to accept responsibility for their actions when something goes awry. Instead, they often seek to absolve themselves of blame by quickly claiming they had no part in the situation.
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2. “If you hadn’t taken that action, the situation wouldn’t have occurred.”
Someone who lacks emotional maturity will go to great lengths to avoid accountability for their own actions, often by making it seem like you or someone else is the one who’s at fault, not them.
I’m not obligated to justify my actions to you.
You can almost picture a young child saying this phrase, and it’s a way for them to sidestep true responsibility or real communication with the person they’re interacting with.
4. ‘You’re overreacting.’
— attempting to deceive others into accepting a false reality — and deflecting responsibility once more. The underlying message: You’re the one who’s flawed, not me. Another hurtful phrase in this category is “you’re being overly sensitive.”
5. ‘Yeah, whatever.’
People often use a casual “whatever” to signal that they’re finished with a conversation. This can be seen as an immature way to end a discussion and create distance from further conversation.
What are you referring to? I don’t recall you making that statement.
It seems like we’re dealing with a situation where someone is manipulating the truth, both for their own benefit and possibly for others as well. When they say something like this, they’re usually trying to avoid being held accountable and want you to believe that something else occurred.
7. “That’s not my responsibility.”
In this scenario, individuals who are emotionally underdeveloped tend to sidestep complex problems by shifting the burden onto others and shirking any accountability. This is a classic illustration of transference.
You’re overreacting to something that’s not a major issue.
When someone says phrases like this, they’re essentially disregarding the other person’s feelings and thoughts, and downplaying their emotional response.
You’re referring to a previous time period.
Yes, it’s usually more productive to focus on the future. However, individuals who are emotionally immature may become defensive when others point out past mistakes, accusing them of dwelling on the past. This is often a sign that they’re not interested in learning from their errors or engaging in open and honest discussions about the issue at hand. They tend to prefer moving forward without confronting or resolving the problem.
I was just kidding around!
Here’s an example of how emotionally immature people sidestep accountability for their words, often disguising their behavior as a polite attempt to smooth things over, but what they’re really doing is subtly criticizing someone while simultaneously disowning their own statement.
11. ‘You always’/’You never…’
People who are emotionally immature frequently make sweeping statements. Rather than having open and honest conversations or providing specific examples, they often issue a blanket accusation and use that to sidestep further discussion.
12. “Everyone else is doing it too.”
We’ve all heard this phrase before: “But all the kids are doing it.” It’s a phrase that sounds like it was straight out of a kid’s mouth, and we’ve probably all used it at some point when trying to convince our parents to let us do something – usually with little success.
They’ll use the classic “everybody’s doing it” excuse to justify their actions, implying they’re blameless because they were just following the crowd.
Kathy and Ross Petras
They are the co-authors of the New York Times bestseller, which they wrote together as brother and sister.
You’re Saying It Wrong
, along with other
popular language books
Hosts of the award-winning NPR syndicated radio program and podcast ”
You’re Saying It Wrong
They’ve been mentioned in prominent publications such as The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, and Harvard Business Review.
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